I'm back.
I've had kind of a rough winter and was very worried that perhaps primal had been just another in a string of failed attempts to change the way I eat and live...but I don't think so. I don't think it's the golden path to nirvana, but I think I'm going in the right direction. I'll never be perfect, but I believe I have found a system I can live with (which is still in progress).
Toward the end of November, I just fell completely off the wagon. My daughter and I did some cookie baking over Deer Season, and after that I never really got back on track. I was cool with that - I figured I'd take the holidays to enjoy things I'd been missing, and not try to force myself to deny the MILLIONS of temptations around that time when I was still fairly green (and just recently off my eat anything mantra that helped so much with breaking a lot of my guilt and food issues).
Unfortunately, when January rolled around, I just couldn't do it. I'd stopped working out almost entirely, and just could NOT get back into the swing of my healthier lifestyle. Hubby was struggling a little too, though not as bad as I was. We managed a lot of primal lunches and dinners, but we also had a lot of non-primal meals, and I ate a LOT of junk and sweets.
It's not until just in the last couple of weeks that my "other self" has returned. I started working out mornings last week like I'd never dropped it. This is insane - I tried like HELL to get back in the habit and just COULD NOT do it....then last week - CLICK - the mojo was back. I'm really hoping food will be the same way.
Here's a bullet point rundown of where I'm at:
* One thing I have not had much trouble with is soda - I've had a very occasional craving for it, but haven't really given in much (not any more than I did when I was seriously primal, which wasn't much). I have NOT gone back to the Diet Coke AT ALL. (When I indulge it's usually Sprite or Cream Soda - treat drinks)
* On the other hand, my consumption of beer and margaritas is up by a lot, which might partially be due to missing pop - also due to winter blahs and my own general nature.
* The sugar monster is back - I've been in a state where I can't go more than a day or two before I'm dying for a sweet fix, and give in. (The drinking ain't helping this either)
* Part of my feelings during the off the wagon phase were due to feeling like there was no variety in primal eating and I would be doomed to blah meals. I know this isn't true and just need to find some new recipes and spark up my interest in cooking. Just found a possible fake bread that holds up to sandwich making - that alone will be HUGE if it works.
* I've been off my hormone therapy for the past month or so, and I think that's had a hand in my recent eating spree. I'm back on it now, so we'll see if I don't find things easier to corral.
* I'm back to reading the forums, finally - both at Mark's Daily Apple, and at Video Fitness, and I know that will help with the motivation. While I was off the wagon, I really couldn't bring myself to even look at them, so I'm finding my renewed interest to be hopeful sign.
* The heartburn has been back quite a lot in the past few weeks and THAT is motivating me to get my act together
* My recent workouts are having a remarkable effect on how I feel physically - my core section had been getting that weird uncomfortable feeling I had before, but today it feels very comfortable again. I'm also noticing some change in the lower body already with improved muscle tone and a little shaping out.
* I have kept up with the green monster breakfasts most of the time I was off the wagon. If not, it was usually banana and yogurt.
Of course, all this new found motivation and sparked interest comes a week before we go on vacation. I've been working out for just two weeks and now we leave on Saturday for a whole week. This is not to say that can't get in some good walks while we're in Florida, but I know myself too well to think that I can start the process of returning to true primal in that setting so I'm not even going to try. I'll enjoy the hell out of myself when I'm there and plan to start anew when we get back. Also, if I'm good the following week, I can just squeak my Sweet Sixteen in under the wire. (Sweet Sixteen is a check-in group I belong to on Video Fitness and it refers to getting in at least sixteen workouts each month)
I've been thinking about what's gone on in the past few months and trying to devise strategies to get back on track before I undo EVERYTHING. In large part, I think spring will help a whole lot just on it's own, and a week in Florida warmth and sunshine is going to be a nice kickstart.
One thing is that I plan to make Saturday a "free day" in which I can eat any damn thing I want to - this might help me deal with the constant cravings and the "woe is me" feeling of not being able to eat the foods I really love. I get very disillusioned when I think of NEVER having "X" AGAIN, and if I can avoid that feeling, I'll do much better. While I've never actually taken that stance, and have always maintained that I can eat anything I want to (and practiced that philosophy), I think having a regular and frequent outlet at least for the time being will be a way for me to get back in.
Another, as I said before, is to find some new recipes to bring back the joy of primal eating.
It's going to be a little touch and go, a little experimental for a while, but I think I'm turning a corner again here.
