Friday, July 30, 2010

I'm in the tunnel, where's my light?

Actually, I'm feeling a LOT better today. Sane and everything! I happen to be one of those people for whom knowledge is treatment - tell me the depression is just chemical due to the eating change and it'll go away soon...and magically it does. I'm sure it's not GONE-GONE, and I'm not exactly singing to the heavens here, but I do feel much more normal, and I'm hoping that bodes well for the weekend.

Friday is my official weigh in day, and today I rang up at 222.3, down from last week a little and not too shabby at all for someone who's been rock steady at 232 for damn near about a year. (I was 239 before that, but I think the AD caused me a little weight loss).

I have realized another goal I'd like to achieve in all this. I want to be able to hike my leg up and paint my toe nails like you see in magazines all the time. Preferably with my chin resting gently on my knee and a wisp of hair framing my face perfectly.

Plans for the weekend center largely on experimental cooking for me. I have dozens of recipes saved on my iPod and I'd like to get all that info organized somehow and start to make better use of it. I also want to start doing a little meal planning so I'm more likely to have decent lunch options in the house.

Things I'd like to try:

Zucchini Pasta
There's also a Zucchini Lasagna I'd like to try out, but probably when the weather cools off a little
Apple Cardamom Popovers
Summer Squash Fritters

I may also try out a cookie recipe if I have time. I know some primal people are very much against fake foods, but I'm not - there are things in life I enjoy and if I can find healthier versions to treat myself with occasionally, I'm going to do it. If I couldn't, there's no way I could stick to this eating style.

If it becomes a problem in the future, I'll worry about that then.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Depression as part of Transition.

The depression thing just keeps getting worse....I had a total breakdown last night, with the crying and freaking out and the whole nine yards. I haven't done that in six months.

On the plus side, I posted my dilemma at Mark's Daily Apple Forum, and got some very reassuring responses. It does seem that this is VERY LIKELY to be a symptom of the transitional phase and it will get better with time. I'm just going to have to hang tough and weather the storm. Fortunately, Hubby is an understanding guy.

In the meantime, I'm going to try to really even out my eating more, and I'm probably going to avoid all alcohol until I'm feeling better. I did have three glasses of wine while out last night and I'm sure that contributed to the situation.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Depression and Primal?

Hitting a bit of a rocky patch on our road to transition. At least I am...Hubby's doing pretty well.

I got past the SUPER fatigue and have been feeling a lot better in that regard, although I sure as hell wouldn't say I've got boundless energy. (NOTE: It's been hot an humid here for a few weeks and I'm getting pretty sick of it, so that may have as much to do with my mood and energy levels as anything).

The worst thing, currently, is that my depression seems to be on the uptick and I'm not AT ALL happy about that. (Ha ha). I'm finding it a little alarming since it was just this time last summer that I totally hit the wall, felt like my brain was a foreign substance and finally had to go see a doctor. I don't want to be back there. I'm clinging to the hope that this is all just part of the transitional phase and soon it will pass. If nothing else, I expect to see an improvement when the weather changes. (I'm not exactly in a deep dark hole here, but last night I was mopey and just couldn't muster up the energy/motivation to do ANYTHING but lie on the bed and watch TV. I wanted to read but I didn't even have the drive to do that).

Along with the depression, comes some of the old cravings and longings. This is also concerning me. I'm banking on the idea that these are simply thought patterns of habit - "I feel blah and lousy = I want cookies and ice cream" - and when I feel better, they'll subside. I haven't given in to very much - a few beers the other night, and a little freer license with the dark chocolate and cashew butter.

The blahs and lack of motivation are making it kind of hard to effectively plan meals and think about what I need to get from the grocery store, which is making dinners kind of odd, and lunches incredibly difficult and uninspired. I definitely need to turn this around if I want to be able to stay on track and install this style of eating as my new habit.

I did find a replacement for the Diet Sprite - Club Soda! It's not something I think would be good for me to drink all the time, but if it's really hot, or in the evenings when I want something a little more interesting than water, club soda on ice totally fits the bill. It gives me everything I loved about DS but is far better for me. Plus, I can add a splash of fruit juice to really make it nice.

On the workout front, my strength seems to be returning. Working out this morning felt great and I was strong and solid, none of that weak feeling I had last week. So transition IS happening.

Also? I finally mastered WAIST HOOPING over the weekend!!  (Mastered is not really the correct word, since I'm still on the basics and not yet able to really dance while hooping the way I want to, but it conveys my excitement). I was really very worried that my body shape would make it nearly impossible and I'd never get to the level I'd really like to reach....but now I see that anything is possible given enough time and practice. I am now able to keep the hoop spinning on my waist for several minutes and groove a bit to the music.

The mini hooping (twins) is proving to be seriously challenging, but that might be partially because my hoops are too light - I'm looking into getting the right materials to make my own. Aside from that, there's a TON of coordination that needs to be learned and that's just time on the hill (as my dad would say - we are skiers).

No-poo is going very well so far. I'm not saddled with ultra greasy hair, which is nice. It may even be a little dry, and often looks a little dull and fluffy these days. I'm going to stick to the basic routine for a couple weeks and then see about tinkering. Like everything else, there is a transition period in this and there's no point in screwing around until my hair has had a chance to adjust. I've also gone soapless, and that's been just fine - no huge difference, but my skin is a little less dry.

My big goal for the weekend is to start going through all the links and recipes I've saved and start organizing them into some kind of a useful format so we can move forward with learning how to fix meals this way as easily as we did the old way. I need to create a stable of good standbys, etc. I'd also like to get the chance to do a little more experimental cooking.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Progress and No Poo

Happy to say I am feeling MUCH better!!  I think the worst of the lo-carb flu is behind me now. Both Hubby and I seem to be in a less dramatic transition phase at the moment - mostly in terms of muscle stamina, but my mood is still rocky, and in spite of what he says, so is his.

Still no real issue with cravings - I'm continually AMAZED by that. I really am - I could NEVER go this long without needing some kind of junky treat. Granted, I am eating a square of dark chocolate everyday at lunch (but not touching the bars in the cupboard at home), and having the occasional spoon of cashew butter.

The thing I'm missing the most, honestly - is Diet Sprite over ice. *woe*  It's been hot and yucky around here, and water (even with ice) just doesn't taste as cold and refreshing. Small deal, and if it gets bad enough, I will have one in the same way I'd have a cocktail - as a treat to be savored.

We have The Primal Blueprint now, and are reading it, along with The Paleo Diet. I suspect we will fall down with a hybrid of the two eventually. There are bits and pieces of both that make sense to me - some of which are completely contradictory, and sometimes I don't know who to believe. That, so far, is one of the hardest parts of this transition. Cholesterol - will it kill Hubby or is it no big deal. Dairy, yes or no? *sigh*

As part of all this, I've decided to go No-Poo. It's not a new idea to me - I used to read about it when I hung out on the long hair forums. (When know, had long hair). I am highly swayed by the numerous reports of fuller, bouncier, shiner more manageable hair that washes windows and does the dishes, and I want some o'that. So far, it hasn't been too bad, and I'll make a post next week about the whole process and how it's turning out.

This weekend we are off to the cabin for fun in the woods, and some hooping with my sister. I just got myself a brand new set of twins, and I'm hoping to make a new hoop tonight since I'm not all that happy with the last one I made.

Staying primal shouldn't be too hard, since they always have meat for dinner, and there are usually leftovers. But, honestly...I'm not turning down my mother-in-law's pie. It's just too good to pass up. *g*

Friday, July 16, 2010

Progress so far

We've been into this in one fashion or another now for about two weeks - the bulk of that was completely half-assed and MAYBE 60/40 on average. That's getting ever closer to about an 80/20 I think. I'm still not entirely sure what I'm doing but I know it's better than what I WAS doing.


* I have not had heartburn AT ALL for a week and a half or more (it took me a couple days to realize it). This is HUGE in and of itself because I've had chronic heartburn for years, and was diagnosed with Acid Reflux. I was even on Nexium for a while until I couldn't afford it and Tums worked pretty well. Along with some acid reducer drug from Walmart that I'd take preventatively once in a while. I was chewing Tums a few times every day! (This alone is probably enough to keep on this path)

* I am getting a crash course in cooking and creative thinking through this process, and I think we're doing fairly well so far. My favorite meal so far is Bacon Wrapped Chicken Thighs with Avocado Smooshed on Top, Sauteed Beets, and Salad. OMG so good!!!

* I haven't had too much in the way of cravings or difficulty in avoiding things I shouldn't eat. This kind of surprises me, and kind of doesn't. I used to be an absolute addict and could NOT resist sugary treats if they were around. I'd obsess about them until I finally just went and ate them. And ate and ate and ate.

About two years ago I got heartily sick of the whole diet bandwagon and everything that with it and I got off. I refused to diet anymore and decided to eat whatever the hell I wanted. A surprising thing happened - I did eat anything I wanted, and I didn't gain any weight - and I was eating a lot of junk too. But the freedom to have anything, any time, as much as I wanted took all the power away from those foods and I got to the point that I could have candy in the house and take it or leave it. Sometimes, I even left it. I also spent a lot of time on the size acceptance blog and developed a whole new appreciation of myself. I think these two things laid the groundwork for the current transformation.

Admittedly, I'm very worried that the planning and thinking and learning about primal eating might spin me right back into that obsessive mindset I had once upon a time when I was counting calories and making myself crazy. The very thing that made me give it all up in the first place. It's already happening a little - worrying about grass-fed vs grain-fed beef, and Omega ratios and whether or not having bananas in my smoothie will derail all my efforts. I'm working hard to maintain the view that ANYTHING I do now is better than what I did before. Right now the focus needs to be on simply changing the foods I eat - maybe later I can worry about where they came from and what THEY ate....

* On the not so good side, Hubby and I are both suffering from the lo-carb flu. Mine is far worse at this point. On Sunday, Hubby was depressed and sluggish, and he's been a little foggy headed all week. I have been foggy and disoriented all week, and so SO tired. Yesterday I just PASSED OUT on the sofa at work (we own the place). Today I am the utter bitch from hell and wildly emotional. I'd really like this part to end now, thanks.

I'm sure there's lots more to report, but right now I'm foggy as hell and can't think....

Yet Another Girl Gone Primal....

On the cusp of my 41st birthday, and riding high on a wave of new self-acceptance and awareness that's been two years in the making, I discovered a link to Mark's Daily Apple and The Primal Blueprint.

That was July 1st or 2nd, and I spent a long weekend at the cabin pouring over blog posts on my iPod and mulling over the possibility of adopting a lifestyle like this. I even tried it out a little bit. My Dad is a pretty big meat eating guy and so they always it at the center of a meal. I just went heavy on the veggies and skipped the bread. I didn't skip the pie, however, or the beer...just toyed with the idea of what it might be like to eat that way.

Over the course of the next week, I went as primal as possible with what I had at home and what little knowledge I really had of the style. As far as Hubby knew, I was just craving steak!YAY, and I let that stand while I continued to read and research. About the middle of the week, I finally fessed up to him what was going on and what I wanted to try. He'd just been bemoaning his own spare tire and it seemed like the perfect opportunity to get him on board - win/win for me since it would make my progress easier, and it would net me a healthier Hubby. He said he was willing to give it a shot.

We spent the rest of that week eating pretty close to 100% primal, since we were testing out recipes and trying out foods. We also both opted to give up Diet Coke - something else I've been thinking of for a while. (DC tangent: We had gotten to the point that we were each drinking at least six or more Diet Cokes a day. I had given it up a few times before, but always end up back to swilling the stuff before too long. I KNEW drinking it was a bad idea).

I managed to get Hubby to do some reading and we had several long talks about what we each want out of this, and where our trouble spots might be. Both of us are mainly looking for better health, with a heaping sidedish of weight loss. Neither one of us really cares how much, we'd just like to weigh less.

I don't especially care how MUCH I weigh, I just want to feel good and look good. The tipping point for me is this: I'd like to be able to wear nicer clothes. I've ALWAYS been plus-sized and I'm very picky about clothes. Right now there's a million fabulous things in stores I'd love to wear...but they're never in my size.

So, I don't really have a goal weight in mind. I plan to just eat primal and work out and do my thing and see where I get to. My suspicion is that if primal eating really works for me the way it seems to for most people, I stand to be able to get down to something like mildly overweight while still having my few little indulgences here and there. I'm not really looking to get ripped the way many primal enthusiasts are.